The Manwitch

Today has been a lesson in remembering that when I have a dream about a random friend that I haven't spoken to in a while, it means I need to get in touch with them.

An old high school friend, who I haven't spoken to in a year or so, made an appearance early this morning just before I woke up. I don't remember all the details now, but she was definitely the focus. So I sent her a text a few hours ago, and we've been going back and forth ever since. She's had a REALLY rough time of it lately, and her life is about to change in a very dramatic way.

I'm glad we're chatting.

#Dreams #Friends

#Witchcraft

-Tom Blueleaf

I don't, generally not at all, not anywhere, and not with anyone. Not on purpose, mind you, it's just never been a thing I've been good at, or terribly interested in. My partner and I work because she has the same problem, and yet we fit together very well in ways that make most people tilt their heads and drool a little. So when we go out to social functions where we don't know anyone, we usually end up sitting alone until we get bored and decide to leave.

Compound all of this with the fact that I am a male witch about to roll into my 50s. The overwhelming majority of the groups I've found online, and in my area, are either exclusively women, with an understandable hesitance to allow men into their circles, or they're all 20 years younger than me and I feel like the creepy old guy trying to perv on young women. Because of this, I've never even approached the in-person groups I've found, and the online groups have been very tough to engage with.

I've found that most people dipping their toes into witchcraft are also people that generally have a difficult time fitting in anywhere else. Witchcraft is a very personal religion, with a lot of room for improvisation, and lends itself quite well to that demographic.

All of this to say that I'm trying to reach out, and make friends, but trying to do so among the older crowd, or at least where I can find them.

#Witchcraft

-Tom Blueleaf

My partner has a lot of health issues. She will sometimes go weeks without socializing with anyone but me and the people she works with, because she is in pain, or dealing with an allergic reaction to antibiotics (she is allergic to them all), or is just too worn out and fatigued because being in pain all the time is exhausting.

For the pain, she's tried several of the big name painkillers doctors have prescribed, such as hydrocodone, but they barely touch the pain, and she hates the way they maker her feel. The only thing that does help with the pain is pot. Specifically, tinctures. So when she's really getting hammered by her health issues, we keep her high quite a bit. This has the side effect of making her very happy, very giggly, and very horny, which I won't complain about.

Her sleep is also affected quite a bit, and she decided to try something a few months ago, and began doing a cleansing ritual in the shower every night, right before bed. She lights a candle, recites a short chant she has come up with, and then showers with only the light of the candle, and visualizes the water washing away her stress, her pain and her anxiety. This has been working very well for her, and she has been sleeping better, usually falling asleep almost immediately. We've also found that, conversely, when she doesn't do this, she has a difficult time sleeping, and may lie awake until 3 or 4am.

Since the last year and a half have been really hard on her, and she seems to be constantly feeling terrible, we think it may be time to cleanse the entire house. This will be tricky since we have three other people living with us. We'll also need to disable the smoke alarms, because burning the sage is sure to set them off.

We'll follow the sage with a sweep, back door to front door, and then off the porch, and then we'll renew the sigils outside the house, and re-energize some things we've got hidden inside the house.

I think we'll do it this weekend, while the rest of the household is at work.

That's all I've got today.

#Witchcraft

-Tom Blueleaf

I read books about witchcraft fairly regularly. Some are the scholarly, historical type books, others are written by witches and Wiccans and are full of spells, rituals, history of dubious accuracy, and other odds and ends. Some of these books are written by well known, respected scholars and witches, others are relative nobodys. A few are people that I firmly believe are completely full of shit. Regardless, I find that most of these have something to teach me, and this is true for the two books I'm going to talk about here, but I do have some issues with these books.

Another caveat; if you found either of these books useful, that's a good thing. I don't think you're an idiot for enjoying and using what you find in these books. I'm just putting my opinion out there.

These two books are “The Witch's Sabbath”, and “The Crooked Path”. I read both of these books last fall.

Both of these books are written by Kelden, who is revered and respected in a lot of circles. I'm still on the fence about him, and these books, for one reason. That is the idea of the witch's sabbath itself. I'm aware that over the last century, witches did begin getting together for actual, in person Witch's Sabbaths. What goes on at these gatherings varies, and can be anything from dinner, games and rituals to more historically inspired gatherings with lots of nudity.

The historical records of the Witch's Sabbath is where I take issue. The descriptions and the very idea of the Witch's Sabbath is not something born out of witchcraft. Rather, the very name, and the stories of orgies, cannibalism, and the presence of Satan, are all the results of testimony coerced from suspected witches via torture, over the course of hundreds of years. The people, who may or may not have actually been witches (certainly not the Christian idea of a witch), they were basically told what to admit to, what details to describe, and then tortured until they did. This sometimes went on for weeks. I don't need to go into the problems with testimony procured via torture, and I'll only mention that most modern court systems have very strict laws against prompting witnesses, because neither of these produces reliable testimony. Torture a person long enough, or even scare a person in the right way, and they'll admit to anything you tell them to.

The testimony of children in the McMartin trial in the 80s is a perfect example of what you get when you subtly prompt people during interrogation. The testimony entered into official court evidence included stories of the McMartins dressing up as pumpkins and shooting children with shotguns. If you ever get a chance to read up on the McMartin trial, it's a terrifying example of what went on during the satanic panic, and what is slowly gaining traction again today. The tactics by the church and the authorities hasn't changed all that much in the last thousand years. If they could get away with torture, they would. But yeah, digressing.

Many times, in both of these books, Kelden frequently references such testimony as evidence, and as a basis for many of his ideas. This... bothers me.

Prior to the witch craze (there were several, a few hundred years apart, in Europe during the second millennia), the Witch's Sabbath was not a thing. Yeah, folk magic practitioners, pagans, various cults, what-have-you got together for lots of different reasons, but the idea of witches using the fat from unbaptized babies to make a flying ointment, rubbing it on a broom or stick, or behind their ears or wherever, and flying to meet Satan and their fellow witches, where they would have orgies, eat babies, sacrifice children and animals, and whatever other ridiculous bullshit, came from Christians, not witches, and many Christians still believe these things to this day. Pizzagate, and most all the other horse shit wrapped up in the Qanon movement, is evidence of this. Again, the tactics and the stories haven't changed all that much in the last thousand years.

Getting back to the testimony that Kelden references, no part of any of that was ever a thing. This was all made up by the church and witch hunters, and corroborated by victims of torture, because they were being crushed between large rocks, flayed, flogged, burned, stretched, and any number of other terrifying and barbaric methods of medieval torture.

In fact, everything about the Witch's Sabbath was specifically antithetical to Christianity. Even the use of the word “sabbath” implies that they're making a mockery of the Judeo-Christian sabbath. They claimed that at these meetings, not only would Satan be in attendance, but people would be urinating and defecating on bibles, performing perversions of Catholic rites like Eucharist and communion, reciting the lord's prayer backwards, and many other things meant to blaspheme, and be the antithesis of God, Christ, and Christianity.

The fact that actual witches, and their predecessors, did not believe in anything having to do with Christianity, heaven, hell, god, or the devil, negates all of this. In fact, many of the traditions and beliefs that eventually became modern witchcraft, predate the Abrahamic religions by hundreds, possibly thousands of years. So why would any of those things be included in their ceremonies? The simple answer is they wouldn't, and they weren't. It was all made up by the church and psychopathic witch hunters.

Moving on.

In Kelden's books, an “actual” Witch's Sabbath is portrayed as an entirely spiritual event. An out of body, astral meeting, attended via spirit flight, where they eat, dance, learn and celebrate. This is also derived from the testimony of tortured men and women, when it couldn't be proved that they actually flew, or had even gone anywhere on the night in question, because they often had credible alibis. For me, the fact that Kelden references such testimony, again casts serious doubts on many of his ideas.

Again, I did find some things in these books useful, and there is quite a bit of history that is corroborated by recognized historians. They are a mixed bag, but for anyone just getting started in witchcraft, or who just wants to learn about it, I don't recommend either of these books.

#Witchcraft

-Tom Blueleaf

In 2014, the Pew Research Center determined that there were 1.1 million Presbyterians in the United States, while also showing that there were 1.5 million people identifying specifically as witches, not just Wiccan.

The comparison is skewed, because the numbers of church going Presbyterians is much easier to attain, because churches keep records. Witches, on the other hand, are more difficult to nail down. The number is likely much, much higher.

#Witchcraft

-Tom Blueleaf

I've spent the last few months shoring up my protections, both in the real world, and online. For non-christians, especially anyone following pagan or pre-judaic beliefs, the USA is getting more and more scary, returning to the frenzy of the 1980s satanic panic. Christian commercials are popping up everywhere, congress is brimming with faith-based legislation, and “satanism” and “witchcraft” are being brought up again and again in legal circles all over the country.

My brothers and sisters, I urge you to seriously examine how public you want to be about it. Things are only going to get more banana-fucking-batshit in the next few years.

In the non-doom-and-gloom realm, spring has finally kicked in where I live. Aside from lighting a few candles, and leaving a few small offerings, Ostara and Beltane completely blew by us. It's been a stressful year so far. Work and home life have been overwhelming, and my partner has been very ill. She does seem to be on the mend though, finally.

The summer solstice is only weeks away, and my partner and I are planning on marking the day by camping as far out in the forest as we can manage, where we are unlikely to see other people, and spending the day having sex out in nature, in an open clearing. We have a location in mind, which we've used for this in the past. We're looking forward to it.

Speaking of nature, we have weasels here now. I saw several in the forest where we spent our Memorial day weekend. They've only appeared in the past few years. Before that, foxes and raccoons started showing up maybe 10 or 15 years ago. These are animals that were found several hundred miles south of us, but never in these mountains. As the climate shifts north and east, animals are moving with it.

It's interesting to watch it happen.

That's all I have for tonight.

Take care.

#Witchcraft

-Tom Blueleaf

As with just about everyone I know, I have mixed feeling about it. The end of the month begins the lunar new year of the snake, which symbolizes transformation and wisdom. With all of the potential horrors knocking on our doorstep this year, I intend to use this energy to learn and grow personally.

Everyone seems intent on keeping me up to date with every fucking horrible thing going on in the US, and everything Trump, his Trumpaloos, and the rest of conservative USA are doing. I know they're doing and planning terrible shit, and people are getting hurt and killed by it already. I promise you all, I know that. I don't need to know the details of every instance of it. I know it's happening.

For fuck sakes.

What this means for me, is that we need to learn to protect ourselves, and still try to live our lives and enjoy life in spite of it. I'm aware that for marginalized people, that's difficult. What choice do we have?

Anyway, sorry for the rant. It's what's on my mind.

I took a nice walk in the middle of a gentle, midday snow fall yesterday. I enjoyed it very much. I hope to spend more time in nature this year.

That's all I have. Happy Thursday.

#Witchcraft

-Tom Blueleaf

It's interesting watching this happen every year. Around mid-September, there is a slow uptick in the interest in witchcraft and all things witchy. The subreddits get very busy, witchcraft books (most of which are complete bunk) fill up shelves everywhere, and the most lovely witchy art starts appearing all over the place.

Then in early November, it all dies down, and the world goes back to generally hating witchcraft out of fear and ignorance. It doesn't help that the christians come out with their dukes up, ready to defend their culturally appropriated holiday against the nonexistent “war on christmas”, and to take advantage of the season to spread their bullshit.

On the one hand, I find all the clichés and misinformation annoying, but on the other hand, I do get a bit of an energy burst out of it every year. It always motivates me to learn something new, or change up something around my house. Also, I'm usually able to find supplies that are normally difficult to procure the rest of the year.

I have decided that I need to make a chest to store my books and supplies in. It's taken over several shelves in our closet. I've been on the lookout for reclaimable wood and hardware, and thinking through how I want it organized.

I'm now looking forward to #Yule, and sorting out what I want to do there.

#Witchcraft

-Tom Blueleaf

It's been an interesting couple of weeks of ups and downs. The partner and I celebrated #Samhain, and honored her dead sister. I set up an altar in our living room, and the partner cooked her sister's favorite meal. We set a place for the sister at the table, made an offering of plum wine and cake, and dished up a plate of food for her.

During the meal, partner told us stories about their childhood together, and other memories of her sister. After the meal, I cleaned up, and took the offering and the sister's plate, and buried it all in the front yard, to give it to the earth.

I expected it to be a tearful dinner, but my partner seemed to get that out as she was cooking the meal, and dinner was a happier affair. She seems to be a bit more at peace about her sister's death now, but I think this will be a regular thing on Samhain for a few years.

The following days, moving toward election day here in the US, were a bit depressing. I couldn't escape the feeling that it was going to go badly, very badly. I've felt that might be the case for the last year or so. When election day came and went, and went as I expected, I was not at all surprised, but too upset to feel validated that I'd been right. I wanted to be wrong.

The ramifications of this election, and the kicking off of #Project2025, are farther reaching than we can possibly predict. I have a lot of thoughts, the least of which is that this is what my country is, and always has been. Those of us that are not racist, not homophobic, not angry, not hateful, and not Christian... we are in the minority. The USA, as a collective, living thing, is the embodiment of all the worst aspects of humanity.

Rest assured, during the next world-wide conflict, WW3 if that's what you want to call it, the USA will not be the good guys. I do not want to still be in this country when that happens. Myself and my partner, my brother and a few of our cousins, have been laying plans since Bush Jr's second term. This has prompted us to start making some forward movement. We're at least five years out from being able to do much of anything, but we can start making preparations. Leaving this country is expensive, and a giant pain in the ass.

However, the biggest thing on my mind, the thing that led me to close this site down for a few days during a moment of panic, is that this is only going to encourage the resurgence of the #SatanicPanic. It's already in full swing, under the mask of QAnon and everything they have their tentacles into. With the proliferation of Wicca (I am not a Wiccan, just for the record), pagans, occultists, and all practitioners of Witchcraft have been lulled into a false sense of security and acceptance by society. At the moment, it's less dangerous to be a witch, but that is going to change. Project 2025 will make sure of that, and if they get their way with US law enforcement, we will see people sent to prison, or worse, for practicing.

I have never been “out”. Not ever. I remember very vividly what it was like being on the other side of the Satanic Panic, during the 1980s. Now I'm on this side of things, and I know what's going to be coming for people like me. We'll be the scapegoat again, the target of anger and hate, and now there is a digital paper trail for every witchcraft related thing you've ever purchased online, or in person with a credit card.

Something good did happen though. I got a visit from Sara last night. I was in a beachside town. I don't know if it was dusk, or just an overcast day, but it was gray that way. I was with some friends, none of whom I can remember. We were planning on spending the night there, and deciding who was going to room with whom. I was paired up with a woman, who I apparently knew, and she and I started heading for the building where we'd be sleeping. I think it was part of a motel.

We walked outside, and there was a sidewalk down a grassy hill to the street. We got a few steps down that sidewalk, and I turned to look at the woman, and there was Sara. Long dark hair, like last time. She smiled a big smile, and hugged me. That hug was particularly vivid. I felt her arms around me, smelled her hair against my face, and felt her warmth against me. It was a long, comforting hug.

We walked for a bit, talking. She joked with me, we both laughed. I don't remember all the details of the conversation, but she was just there to spend some time with me, and comfort me. The dream quickly moved on, before we arrived at our destination, and Sara was gone.

It worked. I woke up this morning, immediately sat up, and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. I felt good, rejuvenated. It was Sara, without a doubt. I tried to recall as many details as I could. I should have written it all down, but I haven't kept a notebook by the bed in years. If I was in immediate danger, she would have told me. She didn't though. She was checking in on me, and that's all.

That hug, though, that really sticks out. I can't express just how unusually vivid it was, which is how it always feels when Sara visits my dreams.

The rest of the day has been a mixed bag. I ran errands, played video games, got this site back online, and did a bit of housework. The partner is feeling under the weather, so she stayed in bed, and played on the PS4 most of the day.

I've been slowly compiling a to-do list. I need to refresh the sigils around the house, and whip up a few jars for various purposes. I don't feel safe at work, and I've been contemplating putting a system of sigils around the building where I work, and burying a few jars. I didn't feel safe there during Trump's first term, and I feel even less so now.

Back at it tomorrow.

#Witchcraft

-Tom Blueleaf

It's been a rough year around our house. We've been sick constantly. We acquired another teenager a while back, and she brings home every bug going around town. Also, where I work, I deal with the public all day long. I read a few articles suggesting that everyone's immune systems have been weakened by #Covid, and my Dr said she thought that was the case as well. So I'm going with that.

The teenager came home sick a few weeks ago, then our oldest caught it, then my partner, and now me. We all tested negative for Covid, so it's some crud going around. I should be able to go back to work tomorrow though, hopefully.

#Autumn is in full swing, and we're afraid we're going to miss it because we're trapped in side with a cold. It's been raining for a couple of days, and there are a lot of bright leaves on the ground. I really want to go for a walk in it.

Maybe tomorrow.

#Witchcraft

-Tom Blueleaf